I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
