I'm lost and stupid without you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
