Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
