I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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