Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
