Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have aggressive nipples.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
