we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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