i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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