So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
