also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
