I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
