my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
