I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
