Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
