the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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