Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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