I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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