He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
