I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
