she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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