There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
