Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
