this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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