Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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