The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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