You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
