sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
