I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
