I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
