I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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