My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Non-Jews are for practice
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
