I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
