No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
