cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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