Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
