Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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