jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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