it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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