The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
