Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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