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I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
