She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
