he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
