she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
