Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
