Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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