Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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