I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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