He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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