If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
